Sexy Dick Hits The Skies

Remember way back to the start of 2010. Lotus and Virgin Racing were new to the paddock and eager to create a buzz around their teams. Colleagues in business and part owners of Air Asia X, Virgin boss Richard Branson and AirAsia and Lotus team principal Tony Fernandes, made a millionaires wager. Whomever had the lowest ranked team at the end of the season would dress in a stewardess dress and serve on the the others airline!

It's time to collect and, unfortunately for Branson, Virgin was clearly outperformed by Lotus. If you have a spare £5000 you can get a seat on the flight and be served by one of the richest men in the world while 30,000ft above the world. Might not be the best service you have had on a flight but all money will be donated to charity!

The flight takes off from London on the 1st of May and is touted to be the biggest ever party in the sky on its way to Kuala Lumpur. Once in KL the philanthropists will host a charity cocktail evening to raise a few more dollars for charity.

All I want is a photo of sexy Dick in his outfit serving nuts!

Liuzzi Still Believes In Santa

HRT driver, Tonio Liuzzi, spoke to the press after Malaysia suggesting that HRT still have more to show fans.

"We are aiming to qualify closer to our main rivals, maybe even ahead of them. Once again we are targeting finishing the race and getting more information on the car in order to be better prepared for the European races." Liuzzi said.

With that sort of thinking you would be right to say Liuzzi is the last of the big optimists but according to Crack F1 sources there is something more childish behind his assertions. As it turns out, the Italian driver has also been known to speak of the Easter bunny and Santa Claus as if they are real. Liuzzi has been seen telling crew and even other drivers in the paddock to be nice otherwise they will end up in Santas naughty list. In 2010 Liuzzi was found searching for Easter eggs in a neighbours paddock near his home in Lugano.

Dr Bourne of the Science Institute says, "Just as with Santa and the Easter bunny, Liuzzi has relegated his hope for HRT in the part of his brain devoted to dreams. Clearly HRT will never beat another car on the track and that can take a huge emotional toll on a first class driver such as Liuzzi. These men go through the junior classes being the best, once in F1 they can't handle not winning."

Rather than get Liuzzi help for his condition, HRT team principal, Colin Kollies has decided to let Liuzzi continue to dream. "You wouldn't believe how hard it is to get first class drivers out on track in a car as slow as a Prius! If he believes he has a chance he will always be happy to go racing."

China From The Red Bull Simulator

Quiet day in F1 as the teams rest and prepare for the Chinese GP this weekend. Here is the Red Bull Shanghai circuit preview.

Action Is A Contradiction.

F1 and the FIA have gone to huge lengths to make the F1 spectacle more entertaining to new and seasoned viewers. Notably this year, F1 has new tyres, designed to create a variance between cars on the track. Adding to the new tyres, F1 has introduced a downforce reduction system and re-introduced KERS for the 2011 season.

It starts getting confusing when F1 becomes a contradiction of sorts when action on track becomes penalties for the drivers. Yesterdays GP featured a spectacular competition between the floundering McLaren of Hamilton and the fresh Ferrari of Alonso. After battling it out for a place over the last few laps, the pair came together as Alonso took off his front winglets with the rear wheel of Hamilton.

A spectacular end to the best clash of the race? Not according to F1 stewards who chose to award 20 second penalties after the race to both drivers.

Hamilton was penalised for excessive weaving. Upon my own review of the laps leading up to the accident, Hamilton defended cleverly and brilliantly. I failed to notice any excessive weaving. He was smart and drove brilliantly.

Alonso was penalised for causing an accident. Yes, Alonso did cause an accident but only by a millisecond of poor judgement. Up to that point we had amazing racing from the two time world champion. I hardly see why he needs to be penalised further than his accident had already.

The contradiction in F1 rules is clear. They want an exciting race but wont relax the rules to let it happen. This accident between the two champions is a racing accident and should be allowed to happen. It's what we thought F1 wants to see, it's what the fans want to see. It was safe, controlled and spectacular!

It becomes clear that F1 and the FIA only want to appear as if they are actually doing something to make the sport exciting. Maybe we need to go back to the procession years? Obviously it's what the governing bodies really want.

Check out the accident resulting in the penalties. Clearly at the time of the accident, Hamilton is making his one allowable move in front of Alonso.

(NOTE: Everyday Formula One Management take the video down and so far I have always been able to put it back. You would think they would give up! Well today I'm sick of replacing it so here is an educational video with Martin Brundle's opinion )

Vitaly Petrov Auditions To Fill Raikkonen Rally Seat

With former F1 champion, Kimi Raikkonen, trying his talent at American NASCAR, Renault wheel attendant Vitaly Petrov decided today to keep his options open motorsport. In a move that will surly get him noticed by the great rally teams, Petrov launched his car 6ft into the air over a drainage ditch, two laps before the end of the Malaysian GP.

Enjoy this clip while you can. (As an FIA owned clip this clip will most probably only be available for a short time before the licence police order it taken down.)

A Sepang Sunday

In one of the most confusing races I have ever seen, Sebastian Vettel brought home two wins from two starts for 2011 in Malaysia. Here are some of the highlights of the main event.

Sebastian Buemi lost some more parts from his car, this time in front of the Sauber of Sergio Perez. The Sauber lost power after contact with the errant part and came to a stop, retiring from 14th. An enterprising fan has started following the Toro Rosso around during race weekends. He hopes to be able to build his own car by the end of the season with all the Toro Rosso parts he finds.

Hamilton blames his poor result on his pit strategy. Lewis suggests stopping too early after the first stint is the reason he started going backwards during his third stint, forcing him to pit again. Nobody has the courage to tell him that 4th place finished, Webber, also ran a 4 stop strategy.

2nd place finisher, Button, admits that he was just as confused during the race as the rest of us. After the event he said, "It was a really confusing race in a way, understanding or trying to understand the pitstops and whether it is worth looking after the tyres or not, so pretty tricky."

After the race, Vettel states the obvious. He is happy with the result.

Heidfeld, who finished the race 3rd, made a blitzing start and managed to take 2nd after the 3rd corner. Both he and Petrov, in the other Renault, entertained the crowd by demonstrating exactly what Renault racing is all about. All teams will have to make sure they box out Renault in future racing during the start. The 3rd placed result make it two podiums out if two for Renault. Two laps before the flag, Petrov decided to audition for the empty seat left by Kimi Raikkonen on the rally circuit by jumping his Renault 6ft into the air over a drainage ditch. No word yet about his rally prospects.

Lotus are thrilled to be 5 places from scoring points and only one place in front of the last race finisher, Glock. Mike Gascoyne said, "Overall our pace was very good at the end, particularly when we were with the leading cars, and we were very close to passing one of the Toro Rossos as we came over the line which shows how we have progressed." Congratulations Lotus for almost passing a car!

Buemi shows he doesn't care about safety when not only does he lose a part of his car, he speeds in pit lane. Buemi argued, "at my first pitstop, I had the impression that the pitlane speed limiter had not been engaged. I immediately pressed it again, which deactivated it, so I sped in the pitlane and picked up a ten second stop-go penalty, which I felt was a bit severe, as usually you get a drive-through penalty which loses you less time." Obviously safety is second to winning at Toro Rosso.

Webber had the drive of his life when his KERS system failed before the race. At the start he quickly fell down the order as KERS powered cars overtook him. With an early pit stop and some great driving, Webber dragged the Red Bull back up to 4th and almost made a pass in the closing laps, narrowly missing out on 3rd.

Alonso and Hamilton came together in the final part of the race. On dying tyres, Hamilton fought to keep his position but in the end was shunted by Alonso. Both drivers were given 20 second penalties after the race. Hamilton for excessive weaving and Alonso for causing a collision.

Finally, HRT took themselves out of the race today after both cars had mechanical failures. Narain Karthikeyan retired after the water temperature in his Hispania reached dangerous levels. Tonio Liuzzi stopped as his car was too unstable to drive. If I say anything about HRT at this point I'm going to suffer broken record syndrome!

PROVISIONAL RACE RESULTS (From Autosport.com)

The Malaysian Grand Prix
Sepang, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia;
56 laps; 310.408km;
Weather: Dry.

Classified:

Pos Driver Team Time
1. Vettel Red Bull-Renault 1h37:39.832
2. Button McLaren-Mercedes + 3.261
3. Heidfeld Renault + 25.075
4. Webber Red Bull-Renault + 26.384
5. Massa Ferrari + 36.958
6. Alonso Ferrari + 37.248
7. Hamilton McLaren-Mercedes + 49.957
8. Kobayashi Sauber-Ferrari + 1:07.239
9. Schumacher Mercedes + 1:24.896
10. Di Resta Force India-Mercedes + 1:31.563
11. Sutil Force India-Mercedes + 1:41.379
12. Rosberg Mercedes + 1 lap
13. Buemi Toro Rosso-Ferrari + 1 lap
14. Alguersuari Toro Rosso-Ferrari + 1 lap
15. Kovalainen Lotus-Renault + 1 lap
16. Glock Virgin-Cosworth + 2 laps
17. Petrov Renault + 4 laps

Fastest lap: Webber, 1:40.571

Not classified/retirements:

Driver Team On lap
Liuzzi HRT-Cosworth 47
D'Ambrosio Virgin-Cosworth 43
Trulli Lotus-Renault 32
Perez Sauber-Ferrari 24
Barrichello Williams-Cosworth 23
Karthikeyan HRT-Cosworth 15
Maldonado Williams-Cosworth 9

A Sepang Saturday.

It was all action at Sepang today. Here is a bit of a run down of the good stuff.

Webber found out that strolling into Q2 isn't as easy as it sounds, even in the Red Bull. The Red Bull driver stuck with hard tyres for Q1 and ended up finishing the session in 15th, only a few spots clear of the Q2 cut off.

0.330 covered the top four qualifiers. Current champion Vettel took poll by just 0.104 seconds over McLaren's Hamilton. Webber was just 0.309 behind his team mate, just beating out 2009 champion Button by 0.021. With a split like that, the top four positions were clearly decided by luck today.

Nick Heidfeld beat his team mate at Lotus Renault by placing 6th, two positions in front of Vitaly Petrov in 8th despite suspension failures on Friday.

At the other end of the field, Williams are struggling for pace. Barrichello just made it into Q2 while his rookie team mate, Pastor Maldonado qualified in 18th. Despite qualifying 15th, Barrichello still believes he can compete for points on Sunday.

While Williams will be having a sleepless night, wondering what happened today, HRT are thrilled to just be racing. HRT qualified 23rd and 24th today, having no trouble with the 107% rule. Liuzzi, who will start 23rd said, "We marked Sepang on the calendar beforehand as one of the toughest circuits to get under the 107% time so it's a great satisfaction to have done it."

Early during Q1, the sidepod cowling of Buemi's Toro Rosso made a bid for freedom when it came loose at speed. While STR have no understanding of why the part preferred to live life away from the car they are sure it was a one off event. Buemi's car was fitted with a new cowling and he went on to qualify 12th.

Fernando Alonso qualified 0.932 behind Vettel, enough for 5th. Alonso concedes the Ferrari is well of the pace and far from where he wants it to be. Alonso once again out-qualified Massa, this time by more than 4 tenths.

Despite concerns earlier in the week, Button was pleasantly surprised to be in the mix in Q3. Obviously Horner was right when he said McLaren was right up with Red Bull. I wont be hold ing my breath for an apology from Jenson.

Red Bull confirmed that both their car qualified using KERS today. With such a close result between the top four, its clear Red Bull would not have managed poll without it.

Sepang Qualifying results. (From Autosport.com)

Pos Driver Team Time Gap
1. Sebastian Vettel Red Bull-Renault 1m34.870s
2. Lewis Hamilton McLaren-Mercedes 1m34.974s + 0.104
3. Mark Webber Red Bull-Renault 1m35.179s + 0.309
4. Jenson Button McLaren-Mercedes 1m35.200s + 0.330
5. Fernando Alonso Ferrari 1m35.802s + 0.932
6. Nick Heidfeld Renault 1m36.124s + 1.254
7. Felipe Massa Ferrari 1m36.251s + 1.381
8. Vitaly Petrov Renault 1m36.324s + 1.454
9. Nico Rosberg Mercedes 1m36.809s + 1.939
10. Kamui Kobayashi Sauber-Ferrari 1m36.820s + 1.950
Q3 cut-off time: 1m36.811s Gap **
11. Michael Schumacher Mercedes 1m37.035s + 1.466
12. Sebastien Buemi Toro Rosso-Ferrari 1m37.160s + 1.591
13. Jaime Alguersuari Toro Rosso-Ferrari 1m37.347s + 1.778
14. Paul di Resta Force India-Mercedes 1m37.370s + 1.801
15. Rubens Barrichello Williams-Cosworth 1m37.496s + 1.927
16. Sergio Perez Sauber-Ferrari 1m37.528s + 1.959
17. Adrian Sutil Force India-Mercedes 1m37.593s + 2.024
Q3 cut-off time: 1m38.163s Gap *
18. Pastor Maldonado Williams-Cosworth 1m38.276s + 1.532
19. Heikki Kovalainen Lotus-Renault 1m38.645s + 1.901
20. Jarno Trulli Lotus-Renault 1m38.791s + 2.047
21. Timo Glock Virgin-Cosworth 1m40.648s + 3.904
22. Jerome D'Ambrosio Virgin-Cosworth 1m41.001s + 4.257
23. Tonio Liuzzi HRT-Cosworth 1m41.549s + 4.805
24. Narain Karthikeyan HRT-Cosworth 1m42.574s + 5.830

107% time: 1m43.516s
* Gap to quickest in Q1
** Gap to quickest in Q2

Day 2 at Sepang

Day two at Sepang International Circuit and while the temperature is a little cooler today thanks to a nice breeze blowing across the top of the Mall Area things are expected to heat up on the track with qualifying this afternoon. Things seemed a bit more organized this morning on the planes trains and automobiles front with a bigger crowd today they also had more people organizing it. Also tighter security here today means we can't sit any where we want, luckily have some pretty good seats. Also means the hill has some fans on it today.

The third and final practice session has concluded and Lewis sits a top the time sheet. Mark Webber looked like he struggled with the Red Bull early when he had a full tank and the hard tyre. It is always tough to tell what the teams are trying to achieve in certain parts of practice though but what was clear was they were all checking their qualifying setup in the last ten minutes. Low fuel and soft tyres which is interesting because the thought round here was that they might go on the harder tyre.

Interesting note is that one of the support races which was won by a Lamborghini featured a Fiat 500 which started almost last and rounded up a couple of Protons, Craig has some photos which we will try and post up later.

Anyway gotta run almost time for qualifying. Hope your driver goes well as long as his name is Webber!!!!!

Give McLaren The Bad Sportsmanship Flag Now!

Part two to my story from this morning, Seriously? Build A Bridge!, comes quicker than an F1 car on the main straight in Malaysia with Lewis Hamilton levelling yet more accusations at Red Bull.

Asked after the second practice session, Hamilton told what he thought about a comment from Red Bull indicating McLaren was closer to the RB7 in Sepang, "I think it's a lot of rubbish, really." "I'm sure they have another half a second at least to pull out tomorrow. I hope that's the case, that we are closer than we were in the last race, but we'll wait and see tomorrow."

Hey Lewis, here is an idea. Instead of going down the bad sport route, try some positive re-enforcement. If asked again, say, 'Sure, we are working hard and will be doing our best to win tomorrow.' Is that so hard to say?

I've never been a fan of McLaren and now I understand why. This team has no ability to look at themselves, instead they blame other teams when they fail. Surely a by-product of the Ron Dennis years?

Update From The Track

Well the rest of the boys arrived yesterday and we made it our mission to seek out a Go Kart track and find out who was the Vettel of our group and who was the Kobayashi. For those that care, Dale or Craig were probably the quickest and I got the Kobayashi award for being no where near as quick as I thought but, still managing to throw the car up the inside and cause havoc. Scott got the Mark Webber award for having the dodgy Kart that he had to pit and get fixed with a plastic fork, shit you not readers.

This morning we had an early call to get out to the track for first practice. After feeling like I was John Candy in Planes, trains and automobiles, 1 taxi, a train and two buses later we we finally arrived at the track. First the important matters like a new Mark Webber hat and the Mark Webber T-shirt I promised my son EJ. We then gathered with a small yet distinctly Aussie crowd straight across from the Red Bull garage. Once the installation laps were all out of the way, Heidfeld set the early pace until Webber came out and put the Red Bull in front on his second lap and then no one touched him. There were a few incidents including Petrovs tyre giving way, which we have since found out that it was caused by his brake disc exploding. Karthikeyan's HRT was running fine and then when he pulled out of the pits after three installation laps the engine decided to let go all of the pits straight and turn one. Right as the session was finishing, D'Ambrosio decided to park his Virgin in the dirt and lose the front wheel, which caused Webber to abort his last flying lap.

All in all a good first session for the Aussies with Daniel Ricciardo going quicker than Algy and Webber topping the sheet. Bring on the afternoon session.

By the way it is bloody hot here!!!!!!!!

Seriously? Build A Bridge!

Are you as sick of the whinging McLaren keep spouting about the Red Bull front wing as much as I am? It's beyond a joke and out of control!

Since the middle of last season, Red Bull came under fire for potentially having a front wing that flexes more than is allowed under FIA regulations. The wing was re-tested and passed. This didn't put the issue to rest and the teams continued to be bad sports and complain for the rest of the season.

Fast forward to now and the front wing on the RB7 is still the cause of much speculation and whinging around the paddock, again from McLaren! Jenson Button said during the FIA conference this week, "I know a few people that I have spoken to say it flexes more than what they expect is correct, but I haven't really spent much time looking at it."

Tell me that isn't code for, 'We have no idea how they are doing it and if they don't tell us we will take out ball and go home.'

Obviously unable to recreate the low wing of Red Bull, McLaren really have their nose out of joint with this issue. Red Bull Racing team principal Christian Horner threw McLaren a bone while talking to reporters in Sepang stating,"McLaren have developed a car that has a very low rear ride height, and therefore a low front wing for them doesn't work. We run quite a high rake angle in our car, so inevitably when the rear of the car is higher, the front of the car is going to be lower to the ground.

"It is obvious science, and therefore our wing complies fully with the regulations. It will look lower to the ground because the rake in our car is higher. It is simple mathematics."

So the angle of the car from the rear to the front is the reason for the low wing? Well thats as good as and and probably correct but seriously, Horner doesn't need to explain the cars design. It passes FIA test (It has probably been tested more than any other wing in the field) that should be and is enough!

Come on McLaren, just because you can't come up with a solution for the Red Bull wing doesn't give you the right to whinge about it. Personally I'm sick and tired of it!

Burning Fuel Equals Downforce?

According to Racecar Engineering, Renault and Red Bull both used 10% more fuel over the Australian GP just to power their blown floor.

The way the floor works is, exhaust gasses are expelled further forward and channeled underneath the car. This increases the speed of the air traveling under the car and, if you remember your high school physics, where the air is faster, the pressure is least. This effect creates downforce against the surfaces of the car.

In energising the blown floor, Renault and Red Bull pushed more exhaust from their engine than they would have otherwise, increasing the fuel usage. Not a particularly green idea when F1 and the FIA are pushing for more environmentally sound racing ideas but, in my opinion, so obvious its genius! I'm a big fan of the system and I certainly can't believe we are just seeing it now.

The Renault engine is widely regarded as having some of the best fuel economy in the field so to burn extra fuel to power the floor didn't impact on the cars ability to get to the end of the race before running out of fuel.

We Have Landed!

Welcome to Malaysia.

We landed yesterday and everywhere you look this town is covered in pictures of F1 drivers promoting this and appearing here at such and such a time. There are people wandering around in Ferrari shirts and Williams is surprisingly big here. There are some Team Lotus cars parked in the doorway of the shopping centre across the road from our Hotel. Yep the F1 circus is in town!!!

Our mission this weekend, well we have two in fact, have an awesome time and hopefully watch Mark Webber win the race in his now apparently fixed but we dont know what was wrong with it car. The other is to get a photo with the man himself. So to find out how 5 ordinary Aussies are going to go getting a photo with Mark Webber check back often. And if we fail at the challenge, well you can always see photos of us getting our feet massaged by fish, which is awesome by the way.

Massa Between the Lines

An article out today from Autosport suggests Massa is unhappy with any suggestion of creating two places for DRS to be used during the Malaysian GP. Currently the situation in Malaysia is, the DRS zone for Sepang will be on the main start and finish straight but teams are waiting for clarification about the straight before the final turn.

"With the moveable rear wing, the situation will be interesting here, because for the moment, the plan is to be allowed to use DRS during the race on the straight in front of the pits, but at Sepang, the straight that runs back the other way is actually longer," said Massa on Ferrari's website.

"It is also true that it would offer a higher chance of overtaking. So, we are waiting for the final decision from the FIA to see if we use DRS on the front straight, the back one or both.

"The right decision could make the race more interesting for drivers and the spectators too. Personally, I am not sure that allowing DRS on both straights is the best option, because I think it might actually make overtaking too easy. You have to get the right balance between helping the chances of overtaking and having almost too much passing.

"At Sepang, the two straights follow one another, so if you are quicker than the car ahead, you might not even try and pass on the first straight, preferring to get well prepared and as close as possible, before then having a simple overtaking move on the second straight."

OK, so Massa thinks there could be too much passing. In other words Massa is worried about too much passing of HIS car. Could this be a clear indication of the Ferrari's speed this year? Is Massa worried about his roll in the team now he is slipping further and further behind Alonso? Clearly he is worried about the Ferrari slipping towards the back of the field.

Massa is only contracted to the end of 2011. Will this season be the last season for the man that narrowly missed out on winning the world championship to Lewis Hamilton?

HRT Say Australia Wont Happen Again

HRT boss Colin Kolles has told Autosport that HRT repeat the problems that kept them out of the Australian GP when Free Practice 1 starts in Malaysia on Friday. The HRT cars failed to compete in Australia when their F111 car was still being built during the practice sessions and neither car managed a qualifying time due to the 107% rule.

"The expectations for Malaysia are to get back to normality," he told Autosport.

"We know that the car has potential and we hope that we will be able to get all updates on the cars. The 107 per cent should not be an issue under normal circumstances."

So with better preparation, HRT will have no problems in Sepang? What better preparation can an F1 team get then a year already competing at the top level? I've been hugely sceptical with anything to do with HRT since Karun Chandhok was replaced in the team despite out-performing his team mate, Bruno Senna.

It's time to let HRT go and tell them to save the money. There is no place for them in modern Formula 1.

Am I being too harsh on the team?

Bathurst F1 Style

Jenson Button does the fastest ever lap of Bathurst, Australia. 1:48.88 in the 2008 McLaren.

I'm sure with a bit more practice and some tweaks to the set up that time would have kept falling. Enjoy this on board footage of the lap.

The Internet is an Evil Mistress.

After 2 weeks of internet issues, Crack F1 is back online. So much catch up to do! I'm sure I will be spending the next few nights reading and watching everything I can do get back up to speed.

Malaysia this weekend and Michael will be there with a bit of on the ground reporting from Sepang. Keep an eye out for that!

You can also expect more quality Crack F1 articles back in the next day or so. Look forward to seeing you guys on the site.